Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just want to make out with him forever
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
