Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
