super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
