take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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