i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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