Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize