I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
