Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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