Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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