the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
