Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
