went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
