I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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