New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
