i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
