u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
