Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
