The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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