dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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