Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
