I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize