Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My balls are so social today.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
