I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
