Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
