Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
