My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
