New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
