We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
