She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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