But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
