He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
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The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
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Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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