i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
third nipple confirmed
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
