I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize