I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
