Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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