If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
