If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
