DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
