I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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