i may or may not be watching the land before time
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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