I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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