if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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