is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
