girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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