Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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