I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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