He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
