just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
