wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
its not stalking. its research.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
