Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
