"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
