dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
