her vagine was all disorganized.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
