The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
