High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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