Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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