My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
