i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
