...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
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I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
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I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize