Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
