Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
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Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
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I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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