You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
