Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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