I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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