My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
