kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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