she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
