Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
