We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
