Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
