dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
