Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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