If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
