people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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