So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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