Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
