Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
