Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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