Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
