I should be sponsored by Trojan
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
